I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
