Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
