We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
