You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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