I wanna bring you to show and tell
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Randomize
