Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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