so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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