I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
