It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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