no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
