Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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