I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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