it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
