Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
