i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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