hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
