do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
