and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
