Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
