It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
