i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
