yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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