it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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