im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
