I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
