I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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