Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize