Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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