just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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