You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
