"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the day after is always just damage control
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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