He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
