whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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