i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
a search helicopter?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
