He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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