Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
