im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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