I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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