I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
