Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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