Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
