a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
