Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
