meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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