South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
