she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
