Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I color on your dick again?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
