one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
