first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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