sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
