I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
3 2 1 whiskey
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
