dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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