no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
