I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
