Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
