I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
