How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
