a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
