allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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