Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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