we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
