I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
