worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
