We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
