R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
