can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
