Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
