so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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