So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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