i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
