two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
