no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
