Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
