I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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