I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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